


The Darkest Bachelor AU There Ever Was

by Amelita



Series: Bachelor AU Fest [1]
Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: Bachelor AU, Dark Comedy, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 07:11:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7304596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amelita/pseuds/Amelita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asami knows that he and his favorite soap star are meant to be and he's spent the last five years watching and studying him. Now that he's finally got his chance to earn Takaba's affection on this season's 'The Bachelor', he is certain that all of his dreams are finally going to come true. No one knows his precious the way he does. No one can love his Akihito the way he can. No one will ever come between them.</p><p>Asami is going to make very, VERY sure of that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Darkest Bachelor AU There Ever Was

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Delmire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delmire/gifts).



> DELMIRE, I'M DOING THE THING TOO!
> 
> This was supposed to be really dark... but it came out a bit crackier than I intended because come on, how is Asami watching soaps not hysterical?

Admittedly, this is not what Akihito had imagined when he said he wanted to be a movie star. But his long-standing role on the popular soap opera, LovePrize, had ended. His character had been tragically poisoned by Marla’s evil twin who thought he had gotten her pregnant when it was in fact her own brother who had raped her in her sleep… or something like that. Who could keep up with the convoluted plots of television soaps?

Akihito was frustrated at his inability to hook another big role, but it was always difficult for a soap star to make the transition onto the A-list, or so his agent said. His agent also said that this was a perfect way to propel himself into the limelight and hopefully catch the eye of a Hollywood producer.

“You were born to be America’s next sweetheart! You know it, I know it, now we just need to let the world know it!” his agent had said as he shoved the contract in Akihito’s face and practically forced him to sign it.

The soap-star had been a bit drunk at the time too, depressed and desperate and still mourning the loss of being paid regularly, no matter how terrible the role had been, and the move had been rather manipulative on his agent’s part. Once signed, there was no getting out of it though. His agent assured him that violating his contract would get him blacklisted by the studio because the television show had already announced him as the next season’s newest “Bachelor.”

“Afterall, who wouldn’t want to be the next Bachelor?!” his agent fawned, “All those gorgeous women just _throwing_ themselves at you?”.

“I’m GAY!” Akihito cried indignantly, “Out and proud since I was nineteen, remember?!”

“Oh yea... bit of a problem that,” the man’s bushy eyebrows pursed before a generic, blank-eyed zombie smile covered his face again. “I’ll fix it, don’t you worry!”

His version of fixing it of course had ended up becoming the fiasco of what was to be the first Gay Bachelor ever. Akihito thought for sure it would be cancelled and he would be let out of his contract. But the producers figured there was enough of a market now, what between the actual gays and the crazy fujoshis that this might actually work. Plus, apparently some rich benefactor had offered up his amazing island mansion as a location for them to shoot at, entirely for free! So they figured there was enough of a profit margin to be had to make a go of it.

Worst case scenario, if it bombed, they could always bundle it up and sell it to Netflix.

The other positive of shooting outside of Hollywood is that there had already been a huge protest over the show, accusing the studio of denigrating ‘American Family Values’ and corrupting ‘America’s Innocent Youth’ with the treacherous ‘Gay Agenda’. Because while watching a bunch of women turn love into a competition, tear each other down and seek self-worth and validation from a man was fine, (no harm done to young girls by _that_ , that was totally normal)... having a bunch of _men_ do that over another _man_ , just went ‘too far!’

And thus, neatly avoiding the protestors, Akihito found himself bundled up onto a small private jet, given almost no instructions except ‘have fun!’, and stripped of his cellphone and suitcase. He was told he could have it back in a month and that his wardrobe and all necessities would be provided to him. He was to be totally isolated from the world during filming.

Akihito just thanked his lucky stars that they had trimmed the number of contestants from twenty-five to ten and the shooting time from three months to one. One month. That was it. He could take anything for a month, and the check he would receive at the end of the month would have enough zeros to make it well worth his time (and humiliation). And from the limited amount of research he had done on the island, it wasn’t like they were going to be slumming it exactly. This wasn’t Survivor (thank god).

Apparently Sion island had been bought by an eccentric billionaire and turned into a tropical paradise. He had built a tremendous mansion with every earthly comfort and there had been much speculation about it, but no one had ever actually been to the island (Akihito suspected that was half of the reason the show was being produced in the first place was the opportunity to film at such a mysterious location). There were rumors of wild orgies and a playboy mansion-like atmosphere, but Akihito suspected that it was simply that the billionaire was a bit of a recluse and the point of building his home on an island was because it was, um, an _island_.

Akihito got that, to an extent. For a movie star, he wasn’t much of a people person either. If it hadn’t been for the other contestants who would be following him around and fawning over him and trying to get in his pants for an entire month, he would actually be quite excited to go. And for that matter, he had no intention of letting anyone in his pants, and certainly not on camera.

The blond was rather unusual for a gay his age because, at a practically over-the-hill age of 25, he was still a virgin. Yep, that was right, still a virgin. He was also determined that the show not get ahold of such information and use it to sensationalize things further. He might have already sold his soul to Hollywood, but he wasn’t prepared to be their virgin sacrifice… not yet anyway.

There was no one on the plane but him and the pilot and they had taken his luggage so he had nothing to do. Akihito stared out the window as miles and miles of ocean passed by beneath him. They were somewhere over the Pacific he supposed. It wasn’t long before the loud hum of the jet engines lulled the young man to sleep.

-

Meanwhile on another, slightly larger private jet, another slightly more well-known movie star was involved in a tug-of-war with his Louis Vuitton luggage.

“You can’t possibly expect me to leave without it! Each item was carefully selected! I NEED every piece!” Liu Fei Long wailed as a blond gorilla tore the suitcases from his hands.

“You’ll get everything back when you return,” said a bespectacled man calmly, “No one is allowed to bring anything to Sion island but themselves and the clothes on their back.”

“This is an outrage! Don’t you know who I am?!” the handsome Chinese bellowed. He was a prominent B-list movie star who had some modicum of success in martial arts movies. He wasn’t exactly superstar material, except in his own mind.

“Pipe down drama-queen,” drawled a Russian accent from his left. “If you don’t like it then get off the plane. No one’s forcing you to do this.”

“Shove it up your ass Arbatov!” Fei Long huffed, but he dropped down into his seat. It had been exactly 17 months and 12 days since his beautiful face had last appeared on national television and he was getting desperate. The blond Russian rock-star smirked behind his mirrored shades. He was here in order to try and gain entry into the American market. He and Fei Long knew each other from filming a perfume commercial way back.

Next to the handsome blond Russian sat his twin brother Yuri, easily distinguishable by the scar on his cheek and the sour expression on his face. He wore his hair slicked back and looked more like an assassin than a guitarist. He was the complete opposite of his gregarious, openly homosexual brother and was rather disgusted by the whole thing. But every season of the Bachelor apparently ‘had’ to have their token set of twins and this season, the Arbatovs were it. He had the personality of a barracuda, was only doing this because his brother insisted and fully expected to be voted off quickly.

Across the aisle from the twins sat comedian and tv-personality Sakazaki, wearing an overly bedazzled T-shirt, ripped jeans and spiked-up hair. The outfit was much too young for the 35-plus, goateed man and he looked like a total douchebag. It was, at least, honest advertising because he WAS a total douchebag who was known for stealing jokes from other comedians and had been brought up on several date-rape charges, all of which he had managed to make disappear. Sleazy defense attorneys cost a lot of money though, and Sakazaki was just about drained dry when the TV producers had called and so he had eagerly accepted. Plus the pretty little twink they’d be competing over was just his type… as was the platinum blonde sitting in the seat in front of him.

Sakazaki leaned over the seat and used his go-to pick-up line, “Got a light?” Which was surprisingly uninventive for a guy who supposedly makes a living telling jokes.

The blond didn’t even look up from his fashion magazine as he flipped a page. “No smoking on the plane, _jackass_ ,” he mumbled under his breath.

Sudou Shuu was perhaps the only A-lister among them. He had definitely been considered a super-model in his day, and had contracts with every brand from Prada to Calvin Klein. He had prowled the cat-walks of Milan and New York in his youth, but was now relegated to selling beauty creams on late-night television and his own clothing collection (Shuu Couture) at K-mart. The bitterness of being defeated by age was written all over the model’s once beautiful face. Truthfully, he wasn’t quite sure why he had said yes to this.

The remaining four contestants were referred to by the producers as ‘the civilians’. There was Kuroda Shinji, a prominent lawyer, who had no interest in the publicity but had basically had his arm twisted by the firm he worked for. There was Mitarai, a somewhat well-known paparazzo and blogger who was hoping to get a book deal out of the experience. Next was Yamazaki, a famous police officer who had been wounded in the line of duty, celebrated for his valor, but also forced into early retirement due to his injuries. The producers always liked to have a ‘hero’ on the show and an ‘average Joe’ which was where Onoda came in. No one was quite sure what the man in the cheap suit did because he was so quiet, but accountant was what was marked on his entry form. He was bland and plain enough to provide a good foil for all the other far more colorful contestants.

Had any of the contestants bothered to count the others on the plane, they would have realized that there were only nine of them. The other two passengers were the pilots, Suoh and Kirishima, and the third, an unconscious woman by the name of Aoki Mayu who was the host of the show. She would normally have been talking a mile a minute, but was deathly afraid of planes and had to be sedated just to get her on board. She had promptly passed out after a few fingers of vodka on top of her double dose of Xanax.

-

The tenth contestant watched all the proceedings from far away, with an amused smirk on his handsome face. He knew they would hardly be competition for one such as he, and if any of them did get between him and his prize, he would simply… eliminate them.

His eyes moved from the cameras in the large private jet to the ones in the smaller jet. He panned the one in the passenger compartment around to focus in its sole occupant. Because of the way Akihito had leaned his seat back in order to sleep, he wasn’t able to get a clear shot of the boy’s beautiful face.

It irritated the billionaire, but no matter, for within a few short hours, he would soon set his eyes on his precious, in the flesh.

His thumb idly stroked the shock of blond hair that was showing on the screen as he contemplated how long he had been waiting for this day.

The obsession had all started five years ago, almost to the day. He had taken two shots to the chest in an arms-deal gone wrong and spent two weeks in the hospital. He had nearly gone insane, and the nurses had nearly gone insane trying to keep him in his hospital bed until one day, he turned on the television to see an angel on the screen. A vision of loveliness beyond all compare. Suddenly the hospital’s most cantankerous patient had turned docile as a kitten, so long as he had his soaps to watch. It was a back-to-back LovePrize marathon and he spent the next three days watching every episode. From then on he was hooked… not on the ridiculous plots, or the terrible dialogue, no, he was transfixed by the brilliant actor, Takaba Akihito who played one of the minor characters, but stole every scene he was in with his beauty and grace and humor.

As Asami watched the show, and researched the actor who played the son of the lead characters (and provided the comic relief), he soon realized that Takaba was actually a terrible actor, because he wasn’t playing a role, he was playing himself…. His sweet, innocent, charming, naive, bumbling, oblivious, awkward self. He was utterly adorable and he didn’t even know it.

Asami had been following Takaba’s career avidly over the past five years. The billionaire had rooms filled with fan memorabilia. He had recorded every episode, every interview, every press release. He had every promotional poster, every TV guide cover and hundreds of signed photographs that he had bought off ebay.

He had been furious when LovePrize was cancelled, nearly resorting to blackmailing the network with some compromising photos of the CEO with a minor to keep it on the air, but reason prevailed, and he realized that now that the show was over, his darling boy could move on to bigger and better things.

Such as the “Bachelor” of which Asami Ryuichi was now a contestant. That had been his only condition for letting the show be shot on his private island. Though there were nine other men coming to vie for his darling’s affections, Asami knew none of them stood a chance. He had spent five years studying the object of his affection. None of them knew Takaba like he did; what Akihito liked and didn’t, from his favorite food to the fact he was terrified of spiders. Not one of them could love Takaba like he could. None of them would come between him and his precious.

He’d make _very_ sure of that.


End file.
